‘Is everything ok, Celeste?’ Snapping back into reality I told him that everything was fine. ‘Are you sure? You look a little… how do you say?...Flushed?’ ‘It’s just been a long few days at work, but it’s better now that we’re here having dinner.’ From there the night got progressively better and I felt more at ease around Johannes. He laughed when I told him stories about going to NYU and sneaking into clubs through the back door because we were underage. Several drinks later we stumbled out of. Scoot your ass over here and put your legs on my shoulders -- I want to fuck." B--but..." Now." It was quiet, but firm."I don't let..." Candace began." ... Other people," Toby finished. "But you do let me. Don't you?" He eyed her. "For one thing, it's the only way you're going to get what you want. For another, well, think about what you just did. If you don't let me control things, how come I just choked you with my penis?" Why don't you call it a cock?" Candace asked in an attempt to distract. No more, and certainly no less.I walked from the customs area and found the carousel for my bags. I hated that I had to pay for them to be below, but for a trip of two weeks I had to have more than a carry on. When Xel and I had decided to meet there at the airport I had sent her a photo of my face, so she'd know who to watch for. I knew she would know me, but I still had no idea other than somewhat vague images of what she had said what she, my granddaughter would look like. To my surprise, I. Even where this is true, it’s not enough to make something OK. Something can be instinctual and still be wrong.A related point is that nature and nurture - inherent behaviour and learnt behaviour – can’t be easily separated from one another. When I say that something deep and instinctual is involved in a feeling, it’s not my intention to reduce my account of that feeling to one of pure instinct. Pure instinct doesn’t exist any more than pure rationality does; everything’s a complicated.
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