All the while, John occasionally turns on the vibrator for a few minutes, torturing Kenny all afternoon. Near the end of their day, they wonder throug... isles of clothes in a store. "Kenny, pick out a few outfits for you, I feel like spoiling my little sister." she says with a smile as she helps Kenny look through the racks. Once they have a large stack of potential buys, Kenny does into a changing room to try them all on. John and Lacy wait outside the changing room for Kenny to finish. When. Even after being together for some years, he still frequently surprised me."Take this path," he told me, "how many people do you think will come along here in say, the next hour?" I looked, then listened. Silence apart from the sound of the birds, even the traffic from the road a few hundred yards away was not to be heard."I would be surprised if anyone came along here in the next hour," I told him, "it is kind of out of the way, off the main pathways." "And you are willing to bet on that?" he. I watched Ruben’s final moments again and again, and my will to go on lessened each time it happened. The next time I had a semblance of awareness, there were three or four people trying to hold me down onto the bed. There were screams for help and it felt as if there were even more hands trying to keep me on the bed. My entire body felt as if molten metal was coursing through my veins, burning me up from the inside out. Someone forced a liquid down my throat and soon I was off in the embrace. A guy seduced me, fucked me and suddenly I thought 'this is who I am!' I had an unusual interest in transvestites and transsexuals, reading every book going but I was in denial and just saw myself as a passive gay guy. I totally repressed any inclination to wear female clothing. I got into the leather scene as a gay man. But always submissive. Submission became my focus. I endured a lot of sessions I really didn't like. I was whipped and beaten and my stoicism saw me through. But I did learn.
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